Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls

· This essay was one of my Significant Human Experiences (SHEs) in English IV. Originally entitled “Preoccupied”.

One of the best days in my life take place every summer. I feel free and relaxed because there are no home works to be done, projects to be accomplished, lessons to be crammed, or tests to be answered. But last summer, even if I was literally free, I still felt that there’s something wrong about me…

Unfortunately, my summer break was so short because of some school projects and requirements. Yet somehow, I still managed to enjoy it by swimming in the beaches, surfing in the internet, visiting my grandparents, playing PC games, drinking homemade fruit shakes, and spending time with my family and friends. Although happy, my mind was so preoccupied with thoughts that I cannot even reconcile.

Being a teenager is totally fun and exciting. But when undergoing difficult circumstances, it seems like it’s the end of the world! Does that mean that I easily give up on life just because something or someone is bothering my serenity?

I have realized during summer 2006 that my self-confidence and self-esteem is low, and it served as a warning for me. Now, what is it that’s really shaking me?

My friends were always raining compliments on me. They said that I have an awesome singing voice. They said that I really dance very well. Some even said that I’m fortunate-looking, but I don’t really believe that. You know why? Because there are also people who doubt me. Some were criticizing me. And how would I take that? I don’t hate them, but I’ll hate myself. I guess I was so hard on myself, because I’m afraid. I’m afraid of showing too much. I’m also afraid of disapproval and failures.

Before, I’ve always though that people felt the same way, too. But it’s a negative attitude to be so hard on oneself. Maybe there were some things I wished I had. I was asking for things which I know that wasn’t for real. I knew I’ll never have them. Then I realized that I need to improve myself in order to become contented.

So I found out ways for me to feel good about myself like talking to people who I can trust, and seeking advice through reading books and magazines. Eventually, I learned that everyone of us has legions of insecurities. Even the prettiest celebrity or the wealthiest tycoon are insecure, too. What matters is how to deal with those.

Now I’m still discovering myself; my purpose in life, my unique characteristics, my limitations and weaknesses, and my strong points.

So, it’s okay to be a midget because I’m still going to grow taller since I’m still young. It’s okay to stutter when speaking in public, after all, it takes a lot of practice in order to deliver it articulately. It’s okay to be a loser in sports, because again, practice makes perfect. It’s alright to be not-so-good at Mathematics, because I’ve done great in other subject areas. Nobody’s perfect after all! I just have to make a difference.

There may be some things that other people have that I’ve longed to possess. Nevertheless, there are also some things which I have and which others don’t have. So, I don’t have to chase on waterfalls… I should be satisfied!

And now, I’m proud that I am unique and irreplaceable by someone else. There’s only one ME in this planet. Yes, I can sing and dance very well. I am beautiful inside and out. I must not care of what people think about me, especially if they say bad things about me. I won’t let their words hurt me.

In any case, I live my own life!