Close the Gap, Win a Heart

I was raised by my parents to become a responsible and sensible person. When I was young, I was trained to become the best I could be. And because of that, I always garnered good grades in the past. I guess my dad (most especially) molded me to be always on top. I was a consistent honor student… until high school.

School has become my top priority aside from the obligations I have to carry out as a daughter and an eldest sister. Before, I was used to sleeping late nights just to write visual aids for the next day’s class reporting. During my spare time, I always made sure to refresh my mind and contemplate if I understood the lesson clearly. I had to ensure myself if I totally comprehended what the teachers discussed. I’m also thankful that I could grasp the lessons easily, and because of that I seldom went over my notes. That is to say, I never bothered to study at all! It’s just that I’m confident about everything, because even though I didn’t engage in too much studying (the term is “naning” in Visayan), I still got high grades.

But when I got low scores, I got worried and hysterical. And to think, a low score for me meant ‘not getting the highest possible score’. Truthfully, it was so important for me to be the ‘highest possible scorer’ in the class, though I’m not the class genius or whatsoever. My parents frequently monitor my grades. When I got a ‘bad’ score, they always gave me that familiar look on their faces: disappointment. Out of desperation, I had to convince them that it happened just because of carelessness (or some other stupid excuses that I HAD to formulate).

Then after all the nagging and lecturing, and when they cooled down, that’s the time I would cry in silence… questioning my abilities.

I really hate it when my parents are not satisfied with what I do. But even if they are like that, I still try so hard to understand them… though I know it’s painful. It lashed my pride, of course.

Passing the HSAT has always been one of my greatest achievements. I thought that maybe in UP, I will shine more than in my elementary years… I was determined that I will never disappoint them.

But to my dismay, I found out that there were kids who were smarter than I am. I realized that I was competing with valedictorians from other schools ,or extremely brilliant people… I found out that I wasn’t THAT smart as they were.

But what I am scared of is not because of personal reasons, but of my parents’ reaction.

I can instantaneously remember the time my father was awfully upset when I got a line of 7 in the card grade. It was in first year… I almost failed in Math. Do you know what he did to me? Better not ask.

It was all clear to me. I wasn’t good enough in their eyes.

In spite of the growing pains, I could still say that I DID my best.

Slowly, as time passed by, I was no longer included in the honor roll. Maybe because I got low scores in algebra & geometry in second year, physics and trigonometry in my junior year, and calculus in my last year here in UP.

Now, I’m mighty glad that after all, my parents DO understand me. It seemed that they were just terribly taken aback when I got 79 in Math I, and I think it’s because I always got grades higher than 85 in my elementary years. I understood that they have great expectations from me because they knew that I have what it takes to become successful someday… that I have potentials. Maybe they were not used to hearing me that I ‘failed’. Nevertheless, I’m grateful that they understood me, especially right now that I am a graduating student. They know that I am a not that good at math or physics. They know that everyday in UP is a test day. But in return, I’ll see through it that I won’t get a failing score in a major test, and I will pass homeworks and projects on time.

You know sometimes in life, your parents get disappointed at you. You think that they always see the faults in you and you never remembered that your mom or dad told you how good you were. Well, that is true… But you can do something to make them realize that YOU are just human! You may not be as good as the dean’s listers, or as great as your elder brother. Talk to them, as much as possible. All you have to do is understand them, even though it’s hard for you. You know why? I’m one of the living proofs! I was struggling in my high school years just because I that. But eventually, I SUCCEEDED in making them understand me because instead of rebelling, I focused on telling them about my doings and my whereabouts. I began to make them put their trusts on me.

Mothers and fathers always want what’s good for their children. They may be upset in a couple of minutes, but they will just cool off afterwards. I always remember this every time they get mad at me when I do something wrong: I keep in mind that my dad works hard in order to send me to school and my mom wakes up early to prepare food and clothes for me (and as well as for my siblings). Some parents may be showy in terms of affection, but some aren’t just demonstrative. But I’m cool with it! Now, I’m glad that my parents and I are much closer than before. Again, the key is UNDERSTANDING, in order for relationships to work out.

I may not be an honor student again. But I can boast to all of you that I closed the gap between me and my parents… I won their trusts, and most importantly their hearts.