A Need for Hibernation

Lucky for those furry squirrels who has the opportunity to get a lot of winter sleep in frosty months. Jealous, huh? I guess so…
I don’t mean it biologically! My sleeping clock is ‘quite’ fine right now. And I just got to the point that I want to be alone, for a purpose, of course. Though I’m not a loner (or an extrovert though), I get a lot insights and ‘self-discovery’ stuff when I’m in solitude. When I mean in solitude, it’s minus all of my responsibilities in school, family, friends, etc. I wanna be free of all the hassles in life, if possible…
UP’s sembreak is so short (damn!). I wish it was 2 weeks or more. There are just some aspects of my life I want to clarify and analyze, to rearrange or revive, perhaps. Gosh, I hope there’s a way I could find in order to suppress my four enemies: boredom, frustration, anxiety, and stress.
Before I go to sleep, I always imagine myself to be in a dimension where no one else existed, except myself. It’s only paradise within my reach. At least in my fantasies I could find a life that’s mine: calm and serene.
But like chorus and verse, most of the lessons in life are learned not in seclusion, but in real life action; with other people and certain circumstances= that’s the ‘package of life’. Yup, it’s tough, man! It’s reality and there’s nothing I could do about it. But it wouldn’t be a crime if I wanted to get a nice treat, right?!!! So, why the guilt?
My favorite place to spend alone? In the jeepney, despite of Cebu’s often-too-lackadaisical sights. I’ve always loved traveling, especially when I was young and laid-back. You would seldom find me sleeping in the bus or ship. I want to get a good glimpse of the city or mountains or seas. Very fascinating, but it’s not what just my eyes could see. When I get a look of something, and when I merely just gaze at it, I tend to reflect on myself in relation to that thing or place. Like the sea, for instance. It’s tranquil but the waves are sometimes scary. Weird?
It’s in the jeepney where I could see people pass by. I look at their expressions and the way they maintain their poise. It’s in the jeep where I could get my money worth (six pesos is fine with me, thanks) simply by sightseeing and reflection. There was even one time when I was very depressed that my teardrops fell, and a old lady was staring at me. She was like “What’s the problem, kid?” I just don’t care, hehehehe! I don’t care if I smile or cry in the jeep, because I loved it. I don’t give a damn to the people around me.
When everything seems so confusing, I reflect on something. Publishing a journal here (in my blog) is an example. That’s why I kept on screaming ‘I WANNA HIBERNATE’ because I wanna be alone in peace; and just reflect.
I believe that everyone of us want some time to think about ‘what might have been if I did this’, ‘why did I act that way’, or ‘how should I deal with this’. To reflect is to think seriously and calmly. But I just don’t reflect all day long because there will be some moments of my life that require action. Advice? Give yourself sometime to reflect, even if it’s for a while. It’s very healthy and it can boost your spirituality and individuality. And who knows? Maybe it can help you to discover yourself and to deal with situations.