It’s a Spanish word for "loneliness"…
ABOUT THE POEM
Honestly speaking, I never understood the poem maybe because it’s a different type. No words were formed, actually. Whoever that poet is, he must be crazy… JOKE! Well, I think that he/she IS REALLY LONELY. It’s evident through the style he used (and I don’t know what that style is! Sorry!). But the message stays clear… the author was in despair for being lonely.
LONELINESS…
I’m not the type of person who is extrovert. When I was in young, I never wanted to be mixed with everyone else! I don’t crave for attention, just like other people. I just want to be alone, though I’m not really a loner at school. Of course, I’ve got friends. But I prefer to do things on my own.
But as I grow up, I realize that I need to be socially active, at least. I mean, I need people, since they also need me! Haha… We’ll I guess, in this case, there should be an interaction between me and the whole world.
Still, it won’t change the real me… the introvert and shy girl.
But I don’t wanna be lonely. My family cares about me. My friends stay in touch with me. And I’m thankful for that. However, when the time comes that the ones I loved and cherished will be gone, I will really feel lonely… and that’s the last thing I want to happen in my life.
There are also times when I feel desolate.
One time, I was really weighed down by a certain problem. But my friends, whom I trust the most, weren’t there. It’s not their fault that they were not there to comfort me. Though, I feel sick to my guts. I felt that nobody cares about me. That’s stupidity… to be so dependent to them. But if that’s it, then I’m stupid. But I don’t hate them for that. In fact, I’m even grateful because they taught me how to stand on my own, without their help and support.
BACK TO THE POEM
I don’t really know what the author of that poem tries to convey. All I know is that he or she is awfully in solitude.
I hope he’s okay now…
Hey! Wait a second… he’s not lonely!! We aren’t lonely! You know why? Because God is with us!
Showing posts with label reflections. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reflections. Show all posts
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Motion for Reconciliation
I was reminded of the time during the Pass & Review practice during the CWTS period. There was a bitter dispute between a good friend of mine, who is an officer, and my platoon mates, including me. It is because the officer who handled our platoon was somewhat harsh to us. To put it bluntly, he was inconsiderate since he didn’t care too much about our conditions. What trigged our anger was when he gave us 36 bummers for being lousy. And so my platoon mates became furious, and so as he (the officer). At the end of the period, there was a "hot battle" between the officer and us. The girls kept on wailing and complaining because their bodies where exhausted and aching. I was torn into two since the two parties who were fighting were both my friends. All I did was to comfort the girls in the platoon. I also got mad to the officer (and also a good friend of mine) because of what he did to us. But, I never held grudges, although I wanted to hit him because of it. However, I also pity him because at that time, he was ALONE. Though his girlfriend was there to calm him down, I felt his despair. To think, it was like him versus almost everyone of our batch mates. I could understand why everyone of us got mad to him. Everyone was blinded with fury and apprehension. Some of the girls even fainted because of that. The atmosphere at that time of the afternoon was awfully gloomy.
So you see, one wrong move could ruin such friendship.
I do think that at that time, everyone of us was feeling extremities of being sad, angry, or disappointed. So, we have to cool down, at least, just to ease the pain and to settle things later.
And, what’s next?
At some point, some of us believe that in forgiving people, we turn out to be "holy" or "spiritual". But there’s a more good reason why WE SHOULD forgive people. It’s not about the enemy’s sake, but for our own good, too.
According to Andrew Matthews, the author of New York’s bestseller book "Happiness in a Nutshell", when we don’t forgive people, WE RUIN OUR LIVES!
Now, here’s a vivid but brief explanation about this (courtesy of Mr. Matthews):
Let's say:
a) you are my boss and you give me the sack, or
b) you are my girl, and you run off with my buddy.
So I say, "I'll never forgive you for that!"
Who suffers? Not you!
I'm pacing the floor. I've got the knot in my stomach. I'm losing sleep. You are probably out partying!
Where do we get the idea that if WE don't forgive people, THEY suffer? It's nuts!
Recent studies at the Public Health Institute in California confirm that hostility and resentment tear down your immune system and double your risk of heart attack, cancer and even diabetes. Bitterness makes you sick!
To forgive someone, you don't have to agree with what they did. You just have to want your life to work.
In a Nutshell
Is it easy? Usually not. But you don't forgive people for their benefit. You do it for your benefit.
So you see, there’s more to life than to keep on whining, crying, complaining, blaming, arguing, and condemning people. And what hurts the most is when we hold grudges inside of us and then eventually never forgive the people who inflicted such pain on us. Though it’s not easy to forgive right away, I think it’s be better if we do… you know why? IT’S FOR OUR OWN GOOD! If we don’t forgive people, we make our lives miserable. And before we know it, we’re creating danger all along.
I’ve already forgiven my friend, who was the officer. I know he just made a wrong move, and I think he already suffered the consequences of what he did.
I hope you could also forgive the people like I do. Believe me, it’s a good feeling…
So you see, one wrong move could ruin such friendship.
I do think that at that time, everyone of us was feeling extremities of being sad, angry, or disappointed. So, we have to cool down, at least, just to ease the pain and to settle things later.
And, what’s next?
At some point, some of us believe that in forgiving people, we turn out to be "holy" or "spiritual". But there’s a more good reason why WE SHOULD forgive people. It’s not about the enemy’s sake, but for our own good, too.
According to Andrew Matthews, the author of New York’s bestseller book "Happiness in a Nutshell", when we don’t forgive people, WE RUIN OUR LIVES!
Now, here’s a vivid but brief explanation about this (courtesy of Mr. Matthews):
Let's say:
a) you are my boss and you give me the sack, or
b) you are my girl, and you run off with my buddy.
So I say, "I'll never forgive you for that!"
Who suffers? Not you!
I'm pacing the floor. I've got the knot in my stomach. I'm losing sleep. You are probably out partying!
Where do we get the idea that if WE don't forgive people, THEY suffer? It's nuts!
Recent studies at the Public Health Institute in California confirm that hostility and resentment tear down your immune system and double your risk of heart attack, cancer and even diabetes. Bitterness makes you sick!
To forgive someone, you don't have to agree with what they did. You just have to want your life to work.
In a Nutshell
Is it easy? Usually not. But you don't forgive people for their benefit. You do it for your benefit.
So you see, there’s more to life than to keep on whining, crying, complaining, blaming, arguing, and condemning people. And what hurts the most is when we hold grudges inside of us and then eventually never forgive the people who inflicted such pain on us. Though it’s not easy to forgive right away, I think it’s be better if we do… you know why? IT’S FOR OUR OWN GOOD! If we don’t forgive people, we make our lives miserable. And before we know it, we’re creating danger all along.
I’ve already forgiven my friend, who was the officer. I know he just made a wrong move, and I think he already suffered the consequences of what he did.
I hope you could also forgive the people like I do. Believe me, it’s a good feeling…
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
40 Questions About Me
Since this is the last year of my high school, I decided to allot the notebook, given to me by my bestfriend on my 16th birthday, for autograph purposes. It is intended for a personalized autograph to be signed by my batch mates. Why personalized autograph? Because the autograph questions were made by me!! Of course, not all of the questions. I got some of them from the magazines and internet.
I also wanted to answer those questions myself. Hahaha.
1. What’s your nickname at home?
Hmmm… my parents call me “Gelle”, a shorter name of my second name which is “Angeli”. I never want them to call me by my first name.
2. When people first met you, they say that you are…
They say that I’m snobbish and sophisticated (arte in Visayan). Maybe because of my facial features, example, my eyebrows: they are arched high. Or maybe because the way I dress. Actually, I’m just a t-shirt-slash-jeans girl!
3. What’s your biggest obsession?
I had a lot of obsessions in the past: from anime, singers, bands, and even celebrities! Well, I think I have no obsessions right now. All I can say is that I’m “obsessed” when it comes to food and music.
4. If you could be someone else for a day, you’d be…
Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to be a terrorist. It’s just that I’m curious about their ideologies, and why they want to spread the world with terror.
On the other hand, I also want to be a girl version of Justin Timberlake. I just love the dance moves!
5. What are the 3 material things you can’t live without?
a. LOTION = My skin is usually dry. I don’t wanna leave the house without putting this on my body.
b. WATCH = Though I’m the “queen of procrastination” (according to my mom), I just can’t stand it when I don’t know what time is it. Weird.
c. HANKY = as in handkerchief… I feel so dirty without this.
6. How good are you with household chores?
Is that a question? Of course, VERY GOOD! Hahaha… Really! Maybe because I’m the eldest in the family and I assist my mom in the household chores.
7. The movie that you’ll always remember is…
I LOVE MOVIES. Unfortunately, I’m out of touch when it comes the latest movies because I haven’t got enough free time to watch those.
I’ll never forget the movie “13 Going 30”, starred by Jennifer Garner and Mark Ruffalo. The story was fantastic. The characters were awesomely performed by the actors. I just love the love story!
8. What type of music do you usually listen to?
I’m a fantastic music fanatic. Any genre will do. Actually, I appreciate all types of music. Though, I’m just very picky. And I hate overplayed music. It sucks.
9. Describe yourself in 3 words.
HANDLE WITH CARE.
10. You’d never eat ____ unless your life depended on it.
I’ll never eat out-of-this-world food like grilled roaches, snake soup, fried rats, and many more!!! EWWW!! YUCK!
11. Do you have any pets at home?
Nope. But we have a lot of stray cats in the neighborhood. I want to have cats and birds someday.
12. 3 things that you hate.
a. OVERPLAYED MUSIC
b. MESS
c. EXPECTATIONS
13. People don’t know that you are…
SIMPLE. You may find it objectionable. If you know me that well, despite of the flashy clothes I wear and the way I deal with things, damn, I’m just so simple! Because God made simple things…
14. What do you do in your spare time?
It depends on my mood. Hmmm… usually I love to eat, chat with anyone, sleep, and even daydreaming. If I have money, I’ll spend it so that I could surf in the internet or text using my cellphone.
15. What’s your best asset?
My voice.
16. Aside from bed stuff (i.e. pillows, blanket) or persons (i.e. siblings, parents), your bedside companion is….
My cellphone.
17. If you had a superpower, what would it be?
a. TELEPORTATION = so that I can go anywhere I want.
b. THE POWER TO CONTROL TIME
18. What do you love most about yourself?
I still learn how to laugh despite of the problems that I encounter.
19. Who is more closer to you: mom or dad?
I was daddy’s little girl before…
20. You want to more ___ and less ___ .
Emotionally stronger ; sluggish
21. What’s your dream travel destination?
Maldives is a nice country. I just love the tranquility of the white sand beaches. I also want to tour Holland. It’s like paradise! The flowers and grasses are fascinating.
22. Celebrity crushes?
Very many… To name a few: Chris Pine (in “Just My Luck”), Mark Ruffalo (in “13 Going 30”), Adam Beach (in “Windtalkers”), Hugh Jackman (in “Kate & Leopold”), Pete Wentz (bassist of Fall Out Boy), Gerard Way (vocals of My Chemical Romance), Mike Shinoda (emcee of Linkin Park) and Brandon Urie (vocals of Panic! At the Disco).
23. Do you cook or bake?
Cook only. I’ve tried baking in 1st-year high school, in HomeTech I.
24. What’s your cheap thrill?
Internet, cellphone load, food.
25. Dreamer or doer?
I dream a lot. Just to escape reality for some time… If I’m really determined, I become a doer.
26. If you could have coffee with anyone, dead or alive & except God, who would it be?
I actually don’t drink coffee… hahaha. Well, I would love to have Oprah by my side. She’s a very intelligent and interesting conversationalist. But sometimes, I just want to fly solo! I want to be in solitude… hehehe.
27. Would you rather “save the day” or “be saved”?
I want to save the day so that I will be remembered. Haha! But most of the time, I’m always the one who gets saved… geez.
28. When you and your crush talk, you prefer funny conversations or serious talks?
My ideal guy is someone who knows when to get serious and knows how to make me laugh.
Hmmm… both!
29. You will never…
Aside from drinking liquor, smoking, PMS, and taking dangerous drugs, or even suicide…
I WILL NEVER FORGET THE PEOPLE WHO ENTERED IN MY LIFE. If not for them, I wouldn’t be who I am right now.
30. What’s the craziest thing you ever did?
SECRET!!! Hahaha! It’s so shameful and hilarious at the same time.
The 2nd craziest thing I did was cutting my hair… ALL BY MYSELF. My hair was really crooked afterwards.
31. What’s the sweetest thing that a person has done to you?
Calling me by my name. A simple gesture like this can make me realize that “Oh! He/She knows me after all!”.
32. Describe love as an ice cream flavor.
Rocky road.
33. What’s your ideal guy?
The first thing that I would notice in a guy is the way he struts his style. Not really showing off, but the way he radiates confidence. It’s also a turn-on when a guy is talented. I like guys who has an appealing quality of voice. And most of all, I love guys who can really dance! Haha…
To sum it up, my ideal man in 3 words:
LEAVES ME BREATHLESS.
34. The date that you’ll always remember (except special occasions) is ___.
12-28-98
35. What’s your greatest fear?
To be left alone.
36. Who is your first crush in UP?
Chrys Brent!
37. Did you ever get a line of 7 in UP?
Yah… That was I think in 1st year. The subject was Math I.
38. What’s the best thing about being a UPian?
Being a UPian comes with great responsibility. But in spite of that, UPians like me survived a lot of long tests, researches, presentations, and even misunderstandings.
39. What’s your favorite high school memory?
Everything! I met 69 wonderful people…
40. Words to live by.
“We are the captains of our own ship…”
I also wanted to answer those questions myself. Hahaha.
1. What’s your nickname at home?
Hmmm… my parents call me “Gelle”, a shorter name of my second name which is “Angeli”. I never want them to call me by my first name.
2. When people first met you, they say that you are…
They say that I’m snobbish and sophisticated (arte in Visayan). Maybe because of my facial features, example, my eyebrows: they are arched high. Or maybe because the way I dress. Actually, I’m just a t-shirt-slash-jeans girl!
3. What’s your biggest obsession?
I had a lot of obsessions in the past: from anime, singers, bands, and even celebrities! Well, I think I have no obsessions right now. All I can say is that I’m “obsessed” when it comes to food and music.
4. If you could be someone else for a day, you’d be…
Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to be a terrorist. It’s just that I’m curious about their ideologies, and why they want to spread the world with terror.
On the other hand, I also want to be a girl version of Justin Timberlake. I just love the dance moves!
5. What are the 3 material things you can’t live without?
a. LOTION = My skin is usually dry. I don’t wanna leave the house without putting this on my body.
b. WATCH = Though I’m the “queen of procrastination” (according to my mom), I just can’t stand it when I don’t know what time is it. Weird.
c. HANKY = as in handkerchief… I feel so dirty without this.
6. How good are you with household chores?
Is that a question? Of course, VERY GOOD! Hahaha… Really! Maybe because I’m the eldest in the family and I assist my mom in the household chores.
7. The movie that you’ll always remember is…
I LOVE MOVIES. Unfortunately, I’m out of touch when it comes the latest movies because I haven’t got enough free time to watch those.
I’ll never forget the movie “13 Going 30”, starred by Jennifer Garner and Mark Ruffalo. The story was fantastic. The characters were awesomely performed by the actors. I just love the love story!
8. What type of music do you usually listen to?
I’m a fantastic music fanatic. Any genre will do. Actually, I appreciate all types of music. Though, I’m just very picky. And I hate overplayed music. It sucks.
9. Describe yourself in 3 words.
HANDLE WITH CARE.
10. You’d never eat ____ unless your life depended on it.
I’ll never eat out-of-this-world food like grilled roaches, snake soup, fried rats, and many more!!! EWWW!! YUCK!
11. Do you have any pets at home?
Nope. But we have a lot of stray cats in the neighborhood. I want to have cats and birds someday.
12. 3 things that you hate.
a. OVERPLAYED MUSIC
b. MESS
c. EXPECTATIONS
13. People don’t know that you are…
SIMPLE. You may find it objectionable. If you know me that well, despite of the flashy clothes I wear and the way I deal with things, damn, I’m just so simple! Because God made simple things…
14. What do you do in your spare time?
It depends on my mood. Hmmm… usually I love to eat, chat with anyone, sleep, and even daydreaming. If I have money, I’ll spend it so that I could surf in the internet or text using my cellphone.
15. What’s your best asset?
My voice.
16. Aside from bed stuff (i.e. pillows, blanket) or persons (i.e. siblings, parents), your bedside companion is….
My cellphone.
17. If you had a superpower, what would it be?
a. TELEPORTATION = so that I can go anywhere I want.
b. THE POWER TO CONTROL TIME
18. What do you love most about yourself?
I still learn how to laugh despite of the problems that I encounter.
19. Who is more closer to you: mom or dad?
I was daddy’s little girl before…
20. You want to more ___ and less ___ .
Emotionally stronger ; sluggish
21. What’s your dream travel destination?
Maldives is a nice country. I just love the tranquility of the white sand beaches. I also want to tour Holland. It’s like paradise! The flowers and grasses are fascinating.
22. Celebrity crushes?
Very many… To name a few: Chris Pine (in “Just My Luck”), Mark Ruffalo (in “13 Going 30”), Adam Beach (in “Windtalkers”), Hugh Jackman (in “Kate & Leopold”), Pete Wentz (bassist of Fall Out Boy), Gerard Way (vocals of My Chemical Romance), Mike Shinoda (emcee of Linkin Park) and Brandon Urie (vocals of Panic! At the Disco).
23. Do you cook or bake?
Cook only. I’ve tried baking in 1st-year high school, in HomeTech I.
24. What’s your cheap thrill?
Internet, cellphone load, food.
25. Dreamer or doer?
I dream a lot. Just to escape reality for some time… If I’m really determined, I become a doer.
26. If you could have coffee with anyone, dead or alive & except God, who would it be?
I actually don’t drink coffee… hahaha. Well, I would love to have Oprah by my side. She’s a very intelligent and interesting conversationalist. But sometimes, I just want to fly solo! I want to be in solitude… hehehe.
27. Would you rather “save the day” or “be saved”?
I want to save the day so that I will be remembered. Haha! But most of the time, I’m always the one who gets saved… geez.
28. When you and your crush talk, you prefer funny conversations or serious talks?
My ideal guy is someone who knows when to get serious and knows how to make me laugh.
Hmmm… both!
29. You will never…
Aside from drinking liquor, smoking, PMS, and taking dangerous drugs, or even suicide…
I WILL NEVER FORGET THE PEOPLE WHO ENTERED IN MY LIFE. If not for them, I wouldn’t be who I am right now.
30. What’s the craziest thing you ever did?
SECRET!!! Hahaha! It’s so shameful and hilarious at the same time.
The 2nd craziest thing I did was cutting my hair… ALL BY MYSELF. My hair was really crooked afterwards.
31. What’s the sweetest thing that a person has done to you?
Calling me by my name. A simple gesture like this can make me realize that “Oh! He/She knows me after all!”.
32. Describe love as an ice cream flavor.
Rocky road.
33. What’s your ideal guy?
The first thing that I would notice in a guy is the way he struts his style. Not really showing off, but the way he radiates confidence. It’s also a turn-on when a guy is talented. I like guys who has an appealing quality of voice. And most of all, I love guys who can really dance! Haha…
To sum it up, my ideal man in 3 words:
LEAVES ME BREATHLESS.
34. The date that you’ll always remember (except special occasions) is ___.
12-28-98
35. What’s your greatest fear?
To be left alone.
36. Who is your first crush in UP?
Chrys Brent!
37. Did you ever get a line of 7 in UP?
Yah… That was I think in 1st year. The subject was Math I.
38. What’s the best thing about being a UPian?
Being a UPian comes with great responsibility. But in spite of that, UPians like me survived a lot of long tests, researches, presentations, and even misunderstandings.
39. What’s your favorite high school memory?
Everything! I met 69 wonderful people…
40. Words to live by.
“We are the captains of our own ship…”
What It Feels Like To Run Out Of Air
* This essay was one of my Significant Human Experiences (SHEs) in English IV. Originally entitled “Faint”.
Ever since I was young, I was so skinny and unhealthy. People would always tell me that I looked like a stick. Of course, it followed that I was underweight. But that’s not all! I was hospitalized during my elementary years because of a variety of diseases in the lungs and digestive track. Praise God… for I’m still alive!
My father then told me that even before, when I was still an infant, I have a weak immune system. That’s is why that I’m prone to illnesses. Mom would always complain to me that I’m so untidy and filthy (when I was in Grade II), and that is why I got sick and hospitalized.
After the hospitalization, I realized that “Health is Wealth” and “Cleanliness is next to Godliness”. Talk about recalling moral values in grade school…
Anyways, I have learned that I have to be careful because my health is not that strong. I should maintain a healthy and clean lifestyle. I should be hygienic, food-conscious, and neat at all times.
Then here came the day… that was in the 28th of June, 2006. And here’s the story:
After classes, my friends and I were surfing in the internet café. I kept telling myself, “Why am I so happy today? I’m kind of overjoyed about something!”. I was in a good mood. It’s a good thing since I was used to unnecessarily worrying about things. So, we went home via Molave street to Ayala. There, we talked and talked. Even if it was a rainy day, I was super happy.
So bad that we had to part our ways. Good thing was that one of my friends was coming with me because we always ride the same jeep. Unfortunately, the line in the Ayala terminal was so long that we had to wait for a couple of minutes. When we were already halfway along the line, I started to inhale a lot of smoke coming from the vehicles. Too bad that I was in the middle of a crowd of passengers. Suddenly, I felt that my system couldn’t take the smoke. My heart was pumping ice through my veins, figuratively! I then realized that there was no fresh air to breathe for. So I went out of the line to find at least some fresh air. And then my legs were starting to give way beneath. I tried to maintain my stance, but it was hopeless. So I leaned on my friend’s shoulder. When we were on the jeep, at last, I collapsed. But I still managed to get up for a while. Instead, I slept on my friend’s lap.
She decided to take me home because I was impossible. I couldn’t walk or see my surroundings clearly. We rode a tricycle on the way home. Then when I got home with my friend, my father carried me to the sofa. I laid there helpless, cold and unable to think clearly.
It was a very terrifying but quick experience. For the first time, I experienced the feeling of what it feels like to run out of air. At the same time, I was reminded that I have a weak immune system.
For me, that was one heck of an experience. I never thought that I would suddenly “faint” even if I was in a good mood. Because of all the pressures in school, my health was neglected. Nah, it’s always been a compromise for me. Well, I’ve learned my lesson! Thanks for that…
Ever since I was young, I was so skinny and unhealthy. People would always tell me that I looked like a stick. Of course, it followed that I was underweight. But that’s not all! I was hospitalized during my elementary years because of a variety of diseases in the lungs and digestive track. Praise God… for I’m still alive!
My father then told me that even before, when I was still an infant, I have a weak immune system. That’s is why that I’m prone to illnesses. Mom would always complain to me that I’m so untidy and filthy (when I was in Grade II), and that is why I got sick and hospitalized.
After the hospitalization, I realized that “Health is Wealth” and “Cleanliness is next to Godliness”. Talk about recalling moral values in grade school…
Anyways, I have learned that I have to be careful because my health is not that strong. I should maintain a healthy and clean lifestyle. I should be hygienic, food-conscious, and neat at all times.
Then here came the day… that was in the 28th of June, 2006. And here’s the story:
After classes, my friends and I were surfing in the internet café. I kept telling myself, “Why am I so happy today? I’m kind of overjoyed about something!”. I was in a good mood. It’s a good thing since I was used to unnecessarily worrying about things. So, we went home via Molave street to Ayala. There, we talked and talked. Even if it was a rainy day, I was super happy.
So bad that we had to part our ways. Good thing was that one of my friends was coming with me because we always ride the same jeep. Unfortunately, the line in the Ayala terminal was so long that we had to wait for a couple of minutes. When we were already halfway along the line, I started to inhale a lot of smoke coming from the vehicles. Too bad that I was in the middle of a crowd of passengers. Suddenly, I felt that my system couldn’t take the smoke. My heart was pumping ice through my veins, figuratively! I then realized that there was no fresh air to breathe for. So I went out of the line to find at least some fresh air. And then my legs were starting to give way beneath. I tried to maintain my stance, but it was hopeless. So I leaned on my friend’s shoulder. When we were on the jeep, at last, I collapsed. But I still managed to get up for a while. Instead, I slept on my friend’s lap.
She decided to take me home because I was impossible. I couldn’t walk or see my surroundings clearly. We rode a tricycle on the way home. Then when I got home with my friend, my father carried me to the sofa. I laid there helpless, cold and unable to think clearly.
It was a very terrifying but quick experience. For the first time, I experienced the feeling of what it feels like to run out of air. At the same time, I was reminded that I have a weak immune system.
For me, that was one heck of an experience. I never thought that I would suddenly “faint” even if I was in a good mood. Because of all the pressures in school, my health was neglected. Nah, it’s always been a compromise for me. Well, I’ve learned my lesson! Thanks for that…
Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls
· This essay was one of my Significant Human Experiences (SHEs) in English IV. Originally entitled “Preoccupied”.
One of the best days in my life take place every summer. I feel free and relaxed because there are no home works to be done, projects to be accomplished, lessons to be crammed, or tests to be answered. But last summer, even if I was literally free, I still felt that there’s something wrong about me…
Unfortunately, my summer break was so short because of some school projects and requirements. Yet somehow, I still managed to enjoy it by swimming in the beaches, surfing in the internet, visiting my grandparents, playing PC games, drinking homemade fruit shakes, and spending time with my family and friends. Although happy, my mind was so preoccupied with thoughts that I cannot even reconcile.
Being a teenager is totally fun and exciting. But when undergoing difficult circumstances, it seems like it’s the end of the world! Does that mean that I easily give up on life just because something or someone is bothering my serenity?
I have realized during summer 2006 that my self-confidence and self-esteem is low, and it served as a warning for me. Now, what is it that’s really shaking me?
My friends were always raining compliments on me. They said that I have an awesome singing voice. They said that I really dance very well. Some even said that I’m fortunate-looking, but I don’t really believe that. You know why? Because there are also people who doubt me. Some were criticizing me. And how would I take that? I don’t hate them, but I’ll hate myself. I guess I was so hard on myself, because I’m afraid. I’m afraid of showing too much. I’m also afraid of disapproval and failures.
Before, I’ve always though that people felt the same way, too. But it’s a negative attitude to be so hard on oneself. Maybe there were some things I wished I had. I was asking for things which I know that wasn’t for real. I knew I’ll never have them. Then I realized that I need to improve myself in order to become contented.
So I found out ways for me to feel good about myself like talking to people who I can trust, and seeking advice through reading books and magazines. Eventually, I learned that everyone of us has legions of insecurities. Even the prettiest celebrity or the wealthiest tycoon are insecure, too. What matters is how to deal with those.
Now I’m still discovering myself; my purpose in life, my unique characteristics, my limitations and weaknesses, and my strong points.
So, it’s okay to be a midget because I’m still going to grow taller since I’m still young. It’s okay to stutter when speaking in public, after all, it takes a lot of practice in order to deliver it articulately. It’s okay to be a loser in sports, because again, practice makes perfect. It’s alright to be not-so-good at Mathematics, because I’ve done great in other subject areas. Nobody’s perfect after all! I just have to make a difference.
There may be some things that other people have that I’ve longed to possess. Nevertheless, there are also some things which I have and which others don’t have. So, I don’t have to chase on waterfalls… I should be satisfied!
And now, I’m proud that I am unique and irreplaceable by someone else. There’s only one ME in this planet. Yes, I can sing and dance very well. I am beautiful inside and out. I must not care of what people think about me, especially if they say bad things about me. I won’t let their words hurt me.
In any case, I live my own life!
One of the best days in my life take place every summer. I feel free and relaxed because there are no home works to be done, projects to be accomplished, lessons to be crammed, or tests to be answered. But last summer, even if I was literally free, I still felt that there’s something wrong about me…
Unfortunately, my summer break was so short because of some school projects and requirements. Yet somehow, I still managed to enjoy it by swimming in the beaches, surfing in the internet, visiting my grandparents, playing PC games, drinking homemade fruit shakes, and spending time with my family and friends. Although happy, my mind was so preoccupied with thoughts that I cannot even reconcile.
Being a teenager is totally fun and exciting. But when undergoing difficult circumstances, it seems like it’s the end of the world! Does that mean that I easily give up on life just because something or someone is bothering my serenity?
I have realized during summer 2006 that my self-confidence and self-esteem is low, and it served as a warning for me. Now, what is it that’s really shaking me?
My friends were always raining compliments on me. They said that I have an awesome singing voice. They said that I really dance very well. Some even said that I’m fortunate-looking, but I don’t really believe that. You know why? Because there are also people who doubt me. Some were criticizing me. And how would I take that? I don’t hate them, but I’ll hate myself. I guess I was so hard on myself, because I’m afraid. I’m afraid of showing too much. I’m also afraid of disapproval and failures.
Before, I’ve always though that people felt the same way, too. But it’s a negative attitude to be so hard on oneself. Maybe there were some things I wished I had. I was asking for things which I know that wasn’t for real. I knew I’ll never have them. Then I realized that I need to improve myself in order to become contented.
So I found out ways for me to feel good about myself like talking to people who I can trust, and seeking advice through reading books and magazines. Eventually, I learned that everyone of us has legions of insecurities. Even the prettiest celebrity or the wealthiest tycoon are insecure, too. What matters is how to deal with those.
Now I’m still discovering myself; my purpose in life, my unique characteristics, my limitations and weaknesses, and my strong points.
So, it’s okay to be a midget because I’m still going to grow taller since I’m still young. It’s okay to stutter when speaking in public, after all, it takes a lot of practice in order to deliver it articulately. It’s okay to be a loser in sports, because again, practice makes perfect. It’s alright to be not-so-good at Mathematics, because I’ve done great in other subject areas. Nobody’s perfect after all! I just have to make a difference.
There may be some things that other people have that I’ve longed to possess. Nevertheless, there are also some things which I have and which others don’t have. So, I don’t have to chase on waterfalls… I should be satisfied!
And now, I’m proud that I am unique and irreplaceable by someone else. There’s only one ME in this planet. Yes, I can sing and dance very well. I am beautiful inside and out. I must not care of what people think about me, especially if they say bad things about me. I won’t let their words hurt me.
In any case, I live my own life!
A Question of Belief : Did God create evil?
This has been an argument for quite some time and a question that remains unanswered. I think there was a point in my life when I raised this question: Did God create evil? I asked my parents about that. But they ended up arguing.
“Christianity teaches that God is all powerful and all-loving created the universe. By the Christian definition, everything is created by God. Everything includes evil and sins. So it is a local deduction that evil and sins are created by God”. I got this statement from a non-believer of the Christian faith in an internet forum in a certain all-Christian website. This statement was clarified and argued, and they came up with a possible answer.
I also researched about other non-Catholics who understood the words “create” and “evil”. Luckily, by this time, I got the side of a Jew. If a Christian refers to the bible and believes in God and Jesus Christ, the Jews, on the other hand, believe only to the main Creator and their holy doctrine, the Torah.
In my humble opinion, God didn’t create evil. Why?
Let’s take heat and light as an example. Heat is energy, same as light. Some say that the opposite of heat is coldness. No, it is wrong. Coldness is not the opposite of heat, but merely the absence of heat. And darkness is the absence of light. Just like evilness and goodness. Evilness is the absence of goodness and righteousness.
“If we classify evil as the absence of good, then it couldn’t be a created thing, and if it’s not a created thing, God couldn’t have created it. Remember this next time you are challenged to defend the goodness of God in the face of all evil in the world. Evil is not the opposite of good, but the absence of good”, according to one of my sources.
Yes, He created Lucifer, who is a fallen angel. But it doesn’t mean that He created evil.
He only gave us free will, it is the power of independent action or choice (from Encarta Dictionary). Now, we have two choices: to do good or to do bad. He instructed us to do what is morally righteous. He told us to obey His rules. And because of free will, we either choose to obey Him or not.
The bottom line is: we create our own EVIL. Even if I’m a Christian, I believe in the Buddhist philosophy of KARMA. In everything we do, there’s always a consequence. If we do good, most likely we will be able to experience good things. But when we do the opposite thing, then we’re asking for bad things. That is, what goes around, comes around… what goes up MUST come down…
Some people blame God for their misfortune. That’s crap. God doesn’t control our lives. We control our own lives. Just like what this saying goes, “We are the captains of our own ships”. He only looks over us, trying to see what we are doing. He is guiding us. He is not an authoritative figure in-charge if our lives. I think people blame God for their misery, it is because they think that God created evil. I am a Christian but I am not fond of remembering the verses in the Bible which support these statements. All I can say is that my FAITH is intact, and this is the reason why I’m saying that God didn’t create evil. Well, I think it’s up to people on what to believe. After all, there’s no sense in pushing my beliefs to them.
source: http://www.endtimesevents.com/F.A.Q.extension2.html
“Christianity teaches that God is all powerful and all-loving created the universe. By the Christian definition, everything is created by God. Everything includes evil and sins. So it is a local deduction that evil and sins are created by God”. I got this statement from a non-believer of the Christian faith in an internet forum in a certain all-Christian website. This statement was clarified and argued, and they came up with a possible answer.
I also researched about other non-Catholics who understood the words “create” and “evil”. Luckily, by this time, I got the side of a Jew. If a Christian refers to the bible and believes in God and Jesus Christ, the Jews, on the other hand, believe only to the main Creator and their holy doctrine, the Torah.
In my humble opinion, God didn’t create evil. Why?
Let’s take heat and light as an example. Heat is energy, same as light. Some say that the opposite of heat is coldness. No, it is wrong. Coldness is not the opposite of heat, but merely the absence of heat. And darkness is the absence of light. Just like evilness and goodness. Evilness is the absence of goodness and righteousness.
“If we classify evil as the absence of good, then it couldn’t be a created thing, and if it’s not a created thing, God couldn’t have created it. Remember this next time you are challenged to defend the goodness of God in the face of all evil in the world. Evil is not the opposite of good, but the absence of good”, according to one of my sources.
Yes, He created Lucifer, who is a fallen angel. But it doesn’t mean that He created evil.
He only gave us free will, it is the power of independent action or choice (from Encarta Dictionary). Now, we have two choices: to do good or to do bad. He instructed us to do what is morally righteous. He told us to obey His rules. And because of free will, we either choose to obey Him or not.
The bottom line is: we create our own EVIL. Even if I’m a Christian, I believe in the Buddhist philosophy of KARMA. In everything we do, there’s always a consequence. If we do good, most likely we will be able to experience good things. But when we do the opposite thing, then we’re asking for bad things. That is, what goes around, comes around… what goes up MUST come down…
Some people blame God for their misfortune. That’s crap. God doesn’t control our lives. We control our own lives. Just like what this saying goes, “We are the captains of our own ships”. He only looks over us, trying to see what we are doing. He is guiding us. He is not an authoritative figure in-charge if our lives. I think people blame God for their misery, it is because they think that God created evil. I am a Christian but I am not fond of remembering the verses in the Bible which support these statements. All I can say is that my FAITH is intact, and this is the reason why I’m saying that God didn’t create evil. Well, I think it’s up to people on what to believe. After all, there’s no sense in pushing my beliefs to them.
source: http://www.endtimesevents.com/F.A.Q.extension2.html
Friday, March 9, 2007
The Spirit of the Poor
Matthew 5:3
"Fortunate are those who have the spirit of the poor, for theirs is the kingdom of
Heaven"
Reflection
The Church had already spread and Christian communities had brought together
all kinds of people: slaves, ordinary people and the wealthy ones. Everything in the Bible
is the Gospel of God. Matthew tells us that the Gospel is not necessarily for the poor
only, but for all types of people. Although, God is more sympathetic to the destitute. And
then again, it is not only by being poor to that we can please God, but through our inner
attitudes and way of life.
People who have the ‘spirit of a poor’ live like a poor. ‘Poor’ here not only means
financially broke, but in almost every aspect. A poor man suffers a great deal of pain and
frustration in life. Perhaps, he has no money, no house, no family, or no friend. But
through it all, he understands and accepts what he has, despite of some difficulties. He
tends to care even for small things. He tends to act wisely, but with humility. Most
importantly, he is grateful of what has God given him.
It’s like seeing a hundred horizontal barb wires barricading his path. Instead of
whining because of the barb wires, he focuses on the spaces in between them to get
out. It is quite true that when everything seems so blur, we have a habit of directing our
attention to the negative side. But a poor man learned a lot through his suffering, and
has acquired a lot of patience and wisdom in order to sort out things, with the help of the
Lord, of course.
And God is pleased when we appreciate what we have, when we concentrate on
the good and deviate from what is evil, and when we are thankful for what He has given
us in the face of injustice and immorality. A poor man may be poor forever on earth, but
God promises him eternal bliss in the next world.
Luke 6:20
"Then lifting up his eyes to his disciples, Jesus said, ‘Fortunate are you who are
poor, the kingdom of God is yours’…"
Reflection
So Luke points out that the Gospel gives much priority to the unfortunate: the
poor, the peasants, and the marginalized. The Beatitudes are like a calling to those who
haven’t turned to God. His Beatitudes are like a new law which demands spiritual
readiness rather than external acts.
Jesus offers to everyone, who enters the Kingdom of God, the gift of happiness.
Take note that ‘happiness’ is different from ‘pleasure’. Happiness is deeply moral and
spiritual while pleasure is satisfaction provided by the senses or material things.
"Fortunate are those who have the spirit of the poor, for theirs is the kingdom of
Heaven"
Reflection
The Church had already spread and Christian communities had brought together
all kinds of people: slaves, ordinary people and the wealthy ones. Everything in the Bible
is the Gospel of God. Matthew tells us that the Gospel is not necessarily for the poor
only, but for all types of people. Although, God is more sympathetic to the destitute. And
then again, it is not only by being poor to that we can please God, but through our inner
attitudes and way of life.
People who have the ‘spirit of a poor’ live like a poor. ‘Poor’ here not only means
financially broke, but in almost every aspect. A poor man suffers a great deal of pain and
frustration in life. Perhaps, he has no money, no house, no family, or no friend. But
through it all, he understands and accepts what he has, despite of some difficulties. He
tends to care even for small things. He tends to act wisely, but with humility. Most
importantly, he is grateful of what has God given him.
It’s like seeing a hundred horizontal barb wires barricading his path. Instead of
whining because of the barb wires, he focuses on the spaces in between them to get
out. It is quite true that when everything seems so blur, we have a habit of directing our
attention to the negative side. But a poor man learned a lot through his suffering, and
has acquired a lot of patience and wisdom in order to sort out things, with the help of the
Lord, of course.
And God is pleased when we appreciate what we have, when we concentrate on
the good and deviate from what is evil, and when we are thankful for what He has given
us in the face of injustice and immorality. A poor man may be poor forever on earth, but
God promises him eternal bliss in the next world.
Luke 6:20
"Then lifting up his eyes to his disciples, Jesus said, ‘Fortunate are you who are
poor, the kingdom of God is yours’…"
Reflection
So Luke points out that the Gospel gives much priority to the unfortunate: the
poor, the peasants, and the marginalized. The Beatitudes are like a calling to those who
haven’t turned to God. His Beatitudes are like a new law which demands spiritual
readiness rather than external acts.
Jesus offers to everyone, who enters the Kingdom of God, the gift of happiness.
Take note that ‘happiness’ is different from ‘pleasure’. Happiness is deeply moral and
spiritual while pleasure is satisfaction provided by the senses or material things.
Poor Unfortunate Souls
Life is unfair… there are people who enjoy all of the luxuries, and it is inevitable that there are also people who live in misery and chaos. Some would unashamedly flaunt their possessions or discard the things they thought they couldn’t use anymore (but the truth is that they could still use it, but they have to ditch it just because of some stupid reasons!). But sad to say, some would have to withstand the filthy smell of garbage just to earn money from it, or even find food in it!
Why is it that some of us have to suffer!? I extremely hate the thought of this… I feel sorry for these people: the street children, the homeless and down-trodden, and the ones who were left behind by their families. It’s maddening! I really wish that I could help them, if only I have the capacity to.
That is why whenever I see these kinds of people, I am grateful to Him because he gave me things which these persons cannot even attain.
What hit me the most was the CWTS activity… we visited a home for the aged (Gasa sa Gugma) in Mabolo. Actually, it was not my first time there. I was a member of the Campus Ministry in 2nd year. We, as a club, held a "pahalipay" activity for the senior citizens who were left alone by their relatives. It was hours before the Christmas party (2nd year) when we got there.
When I saw the faces of the unfortunate old people, I began to hate people who are so lucky, and that includes myself. I started to resent the families who left these people here. I couldn’t imagine that these people were abandoned by their loved ones. How could they do these to them? They had the nerve to desert their lolos or lolas here.
I couldn’t help but feel pity… pity for these sick and ill-fated, old people and pity for everyone of us! Good thing is that there are kind-hearted people who forsake their personal needs just to devote their times in taking good care of the aged. If not for them, these poor senior citizens would be left homeless and hungry, or even die on the streets. Thank God that there are merciful people who are left in this world.
Unfortunately, the activity wasn’t successful because there was a mass just in time when we got there. We would have loved to serve these people, even just once in a lifetime. We were supposed to make these people feel that they are important and loved by giving them snacks and perform presentations for them. Eventually, we just returned to the school and… nothing! What a waste… We should have stayed at least for a while to serve them.
You know what’s one thing I’ve learned from this experience? Contentment and charity. I hope that I will learn how to accept things as it has to be. I hope that I can help people in need. And I will never leave my loved ones, especially my parents, behind. I will make sure that when I graduate, I will give them a good life after what they have sacrificed for me. In that way, maybe I could thank them for taking care of me when I am still growing up.
My prayers are also for these people. Maybe life has its own way of things… we cannot fully comprehend why there are unfortunate people suffering a great deal of despair. Well, after all, there’s always hope. Just like in Southborder’s song, "there’s a rainbow always after the rain"!...
Why is it that some of us have to suffer!? I extremely hate the thought of this… I feel sorry for these people: the street children, the homeless and down-trodden, and the ones who were left behind by their families. It’s maddening! I really wish that I could help them, if only I have the capacity to.
That is why whenever I see these kinds of people, I am grateful to Him because he gave me things which these persons cannot even attain.
What hit me the most was the CWTS activity… we visited a home for the aged (Gasa sa Gugma) in Mabolo. Actually, it was not my first time there. I was a member of the Campus Ministry in 2nd year. We, as a club, held a "pahalipay" activity for the senior citizens who were left alone by their relatives. It was hours before the Christmas party (2nd year) when we got there.
When I saw the faces of the unfortunate old people, I began to hate people who are so lucky, and that includes myself. I started to resent the families who left these people here. I couldn’t imagine that these people were abandoned by their loved ones. How could they do these to them? They had the nerve to desert their lolos or lolas here.
I couldn’t help but feel pity… pity for these sick and ill-fated, old people and pity for everyone of us! Good thing is that there are kind-hearted people who forsake their personal needs just to devote their times in taking good care of the aged. If not for them, these poor senior citizens would be left homeless and hungry, or even die on the streets. Thank God that there are merciful people who are left in this world.
Unfortunately, the activity wasn’t successful because there was a mass just in time when we got there. We would have loved to serve these people, even just once in a lifetime. We were supposed to make these people feel that they are important and loved by giving them snacks and perform presentations for them. Eventually, we just returned to the school and… nothing! What a waste… We should have stayed at least for a while to serve them.
You know what’s one thing I’ve learned from this experience? Contentment and charity. I hope that I will learn how to accept things as it has to be. I hope that I can help people in need. And I will never leave my loved ones, especially my parents, behind. I will make sure that when I graduate, I will give them a good life after what they have sacrificed for me. In that way, maybe I could thank them for taking care of me when I am still growing up.
My prayers are also for these people. Maybe life has its own way of things… we cannot fully comprehend why there are unfortunate people suffering a great deal of despair. Well, after all, there’s always hope. Just like in Southborder’s song, "there’s a rainbow always after the rain"!...
Monday, January 22, 2007
Camisado
cam·i·sa·do [kàmmə sáydō, kàmmə sdō]
(plural cam·i·sa·does)
noun
surprise attack: a surprise attack at night (archaic)
I can instantly recall the time I was chased by a mad man when I was just 8 years of age… Haha! As a matter of fact, I can still remember the exact date! It was a cloudy and a usual morning, on the 28th of December 1998. I was in my Grandmother’s place at that time. My uncle and I went to the store to buy Sprite (because I “badly” needed it). And so we went, until I lost hold on him! It was a narrow street so I kept on running and calling him, because I’m scared that I might lose him. Incidentally, a psychotic man (who was rumored to be a kidnapper and kid-eater! Yikes!) detoured along the narrow passage where I was heading to! Being panic-stricken, I hysterically screamed and wailed for help! He was viciously looking at me, and to think he was bringing his filthy sack (where he would put me or another unfortunate kid!). And as a result, the cute (literally!)umbrella, that my mom gave to me on my 8th birthday, and my slipper landed to the muddy canal! Of course, I didn’t mind it because I all I knew at that moment was a need for SURVIVAL!
I was panting… I almost thought that I could faint. It was such a hideous childhood memory. Thank God I’m still here! *laughs
It was unexpected, really. Camisado is the term for it, although I wasn’t attacked at night.
But to tell you what, I’m still experiencing camisadoes until now. And I do think that all of us do, aight? Well, in my case, it’s not really the literal CAMISADO that’s making me wince. Let’s just say I’m surprisingly attacked by different kinds of emotions, especially the negative ones…
Much as I don’t want to, I can’t help but submit to these crap. I hate being termed as “emotional”, “pathetic”, or “oversensitive”, but I think there’s some truth into it (haha). There’s really truth in it! Oh, to hell with them, anyway! Whatever this is, I must admit that my life is mostly governed with emotions, and as a consequence, I become dull and irrational as time passes by.
Sometimes, I resent the sudden attack of my moodiness. And there’s always a reason behind it.
I’ve always been labeled as a sensitive and moody person. I get easily affected by anything! But you know what, I think it’s not that bad to be like that. If we all are sensitive people, we would learn how to sympathize. We would become aware of the feelings of others and we would know how to help them.
But on the flip side, if we are that sensitive, we tend to wallow on self-pity (I hate this term!). Honestly, I’ve gone through a lot of “self-absorption” on the past few years of my life. But now? Not anymore. As much as possible, I will look at all angles and try to weigh down if what I am feeling is reasonable or not. Think I’m insecure? I admit I WAS. Haha! What is this? We all have insecurities, man! I’ll handle “those” in a different and more rational way now…
I’ve figured out all of these, by myself. There’s nothing wrong of being sensitive or moody! As long as I’m not offending someone else, or most especially, myself. In fact, I’ve resigned to the fact that I maybe I’m an “emo” person. So? At least I am aware and I have the power to sympathize, now I know that I have this gift of sensitivity.
One more thing that I have learned is that I can control my actions because I can easily determine how I feel.
You may hate persons who put their hearts over their heads. Think again. People who can deeply understand (because they are guided with what they feel) are wise, and they are better than those who are intelligent or logical or whatsoever.
Now, I can gladly say that being surprisingly attacked by rising variations of sensations is not that horrible at all! Looks like I’m gonna have to expect more camisadoes in the future. Although I’m not gonna call it “camisado” anymore! And please, no more psychotics, ok?
(plural cam·i·sa·does)
noun
surprise attack: a surprise attack at night (archaic)
I can instantly recall the time I was chased by a mad man when I was just 8 years of age… Haha! As a matter of fact, I can still remember the exact date! It was a cloudy and a usual morning, on the 28th of December 1998. I was in my Grandmother’s place at that time. My uncle and I went to the store to buy Sprite (because I “badly” needed it). And so we went, until I lost hold on him! It was a narrow street so I kept on running and calling him, because I’m scared that I might lose him. Incidentally, a psychotic man (who was rumored to be a kidnapper and kid-eater! Yikes!) detoured along the narrow passage where I was heading to! Being panic-stricken, I hysterically screamed and wailed for help! He was viciously looking at me, and to think he was bringing his filthy sack (where he would put me or another unfortunate kid!). And as a result, the cute (literally!)umbrella, that my mom gave to me on my 8th birthday, and my slipper landed to the muddy canal! Of course, I didn’t mind it because I all I knew at that moment was a need for SURVIVAL!
I was panting… I almost thought that I could faint. It was such a hideous childhood memory. Thank God I’m still here! *laughs
It was unexpected, really. Camisado is the term for it, although I wasn’t attacked at night.
But to tell you what, I’m still experiencing camisadoes until now. And I do think that all of us do, aight? Well, in my case, it’s not really the literal CAMISADO that’s making me wince. Let’s just say I’m surprisingly attacked by different kinds of emotions, especially the negative ones…
Much as I don’t want to, I can’t help but submit to these crap. I hate being termed as “emotional”, “pathetic”, or “oversensitive”, but I think there’s some truth into it (haha). There’s really truth in it! Oh, to hell with them, anyway! Whatever this is, I must admit that my life is mostly governed with emotions, and as a consequence, I become dull and irrational as time passes by.
Sometimes, I resent the sudden attack of my moodiness. And there’s always a reason behind it.
I’ve always been labeled as a sensitive and moody person. I get easily affected by anything! But you know what, I think it’s not that bad to be like that. If we all are sensitive people, we would learn how to sympathize. We would become aware of the feelings of others and we would know how to help them.
But on the flip side, if we are that sensitive, we tend to wallow on self-pity (I hate this term!). Honestly, I’ve gone through a lot of “self-absorption” on the past few years of my life. But now? Not anymore. As much as possible, I will look at all angles and try to weigh down if what I am feeling is reasonable or not. Think I’m insecure? I admit I WAS. Haha! What is this? We all have insecurities, man! I’ll handle “those” in a different and more rational way now…
I’ve figured out all of these, by myself. There’s nothing wrong of being sensitive or moody! As long as I’m not offending someone else, or most especially, myself. In fact, I’ve resigned to the fact that I maybe I’m an “emo” person. So? At least I am aware and I have the power to sympathize, now I know that I have this gift of sensitivity.
One more thing that I have learned is that I can control my actions because I can easily determine how I feel.
You may hate persons who put their hearts over their heads. Think again. People who can deeply understand (because they are guided with what they feel) are wise, and they are better than those who are intelligent or logical or whatsoever.
Now, I can gladly say that being surprisingly attacked by rising variations of sensations is not that horrible at all! Looks like I’m gonna have to expect more camisadoes in the future. Although I’m not gonna call it “camisado” anymore! And please, no more psychotics, ok?
Friday, January 19, 2007
A Need for Hibernation
Lucky for those furry squirrels who has the opportunity to get a lot of winter sleep in frosty months. Jealous, huh? I guess so…
I don’t mean it biologically! My sleeping clock is ‘quite’ fine right now. And I just got to the point that I want to be alone, for a purpose, of course. Though I’m not a loner (or an extrovert though), I get a lot insights and ‘self-discovery’ stuff when I’m in solitude. When I mean in solitude, it’s minus all of my responsibilities in school, family, friends, etc. I wanna be free of all the hassles in life, if possible…
UP’s sembreak is so short (damn!). I wish it was 2 weeks or more. There are just some aspects of my life I want to clarify and analyze, to rearrange or revive, perhaps. Gosh, I hope there’s a way I could find in order to suppress my four enemies: boredom, frustration, anxiety, and stress.
Before I go to sleep, I always imagine myself to be in a dimension where no one else existed, except myself. It’s only paradise within my reach. At least in my fantasies I could find a life that’s mine: calm and serene.
But like chorus and verse, most of the lessons in life are learned not in seclusion, but in real life action; with other people and certain circumstances= that’s the ‘package of life’. Yup, it’s tough, man! It’s reality and there’s nothing I could do about it. But it wouldn’t be a crime if I wanted to get a nice treat, right?!!! So, why the guilt?
My favorite place to spend alone? In the jeepney, despite of Cebu’s often-too-lackadaisical sights. I’ve always loved traveling, especially when I was young and laid-back. You would seldom find me sleeping in the bus or ship. I want to get a good glimpse of the city or mountains or seas. Very fascinating, but it’s not what just my eyes could see. When I get a look of something, and when I merely just gaze at it, I tend to reflect on myself in relation to that thing or place. Like the sea, for instance. It’s tranquil but the waves are sometimes scary. Weird?
It’s in the jeepney where I could see people pass by. I look at their expressions and the way they maintain their poise. It’s in the jeep where I could get my money worth (six pesos is fine with me, thanks) simply by sightseeing and reflection. There was even one time when I was very depressed that my teardrops fell, and a old lady was staring at me. She was like “What’s the problem, kid?” I just don’t care, hehehehe! I don’t care if I smile or cry in the jeep, because I loved it. I don’t give a damn to the people around me.
When everything seems so confusing, I reflect on something. Publishing a journal here (in my blog) is an example. That’s why I kept on screaming ‘I WANNA HIBERNATE’ because I wanna be alone in peace; and just reflect.
I believe that everyone of us want some time to think about ‘what might have been if I did this’, ‘why did I act that way’, or ‘how should I deal with this’. To reflect is to think seriously and calmly. But I just don’t reflect all day long because there will be some moments of my life that require action. Advice? Give yourself sometime to reflect, even if it’s for a while. It’s very healthy and it can boost your spirituality and individuality. And who knows? Maybe it can help you to discover yourself and to deal with situations.
I don’t mean it biologically! My sleeping clock is ‘quite’ fine right now. And I just got to the point that I want to be alone, for a purpose, of course. Though I’m not a loner (or an extrovert though), I get a lot insights and ‘self-discovery’ stuff when I’m in solitude. When I mean in solitude, it’s minus all of my responsibilities in school, family, friends, etc. I wanna be free of all the hassles in life, if possible…
UP’s sembreak is so short (damn!). I wish it was 2 weeks or more. There are just some aspects of my life I want to clarify and analyze, to rearrange or revive, perhaps. Gosh, I hope there’s a way I could find in order to suppress my four enemies: boredom, frustration, anxiety, and stress.
Before I go to sleep, I always imagine myself to be in a dimension where no one else existed, except myself. It’s only paradise within my reach. At least in my fantasies I could find a life that’s mine: calm and serene.
But like chorus and verse, most of the lessons in life are learned not in seclusion, but in real life action; with other people and certain circumstances= that’s the ‘package of life’. Yup, it’s tough, man! It’s reality and there’s nothing I could do about it. But it wouldn’t be a crime if I wanted to get a nice treat, right?!!! So, why the guilt?
My favorite place to spend alone? In the jeepney, despite of Cebu’s often-too-lackadaisical sights. I’ve always loved traveling, especially when I was young and laid-back. You would seldom find me sleeping in the bus or ship. I want to get a good glimpse of the city or mountains or seas. Very fascinating, but it’s not what just my eyes could see. When I get a look of something, and when I merely just gaze at it, I tend to reflect on myself in relation to that thing or place. Like the sea, for instance. It’s tranquil but the waves are sometimes scary. Weird?
It’s in the jeepney where I could see people pass by. I look at their expressions and the way they maintain their poise. It’s in the jeep where I could get my money worth (six pesos is fine with me, thanks) simply by sightseeing and reflection. There was even one time when I was very depressed that my teardrops fell, and a old lady was staring at me. She was like “What’s the problem, kid?” I just don’t care, hehehehe! I don’t care if I smile or cry in the jeep, because I loved it. I don’t give a damn to the people around me.
When everything seems so confusing, I reflect on something. Publishing a journal here (in my blog) is an example. That’s why I kept on screaming ‘I WANNA HIBERNATE’ because I wanna be alone in peace; and just reflect.
I believe that everyone of us want some time to think about ‘what might have been if I did this’, ‘why did I act that way’, or ‘how should I deal with this’. To reflect is to think seriously and calmly. But I just don’t reflect all day long because there will be some moments of my life that require action. Advice? Give yourself sometime to reflect, even if it’s for a while. It’s very healthy and it can boost your spirituality and individuality. And who knows? Maybe it can help you to discover yourself and to deal with situations.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
